Monday, 13 March 2017

WALT self-check our writing

Here is my writing from Monday without any editing.


This morning we did a fun game called the magic box we had to use our senses.


This morning Miss Ashley brang in her magic box,each one of us got blindfolded.While one person was blindfolded Miss Ashley would put a type of food or an object into the box.If we figured out what Miss Ashley put inside the magic box we would get a token.


When I was blindfolded Miss Ashley guided my hand into the magic box.It felt kind of disgusting and  bit squishy and yucky I knew it was weetbix because I tasted it and it was weetbix I said is it weetbix and it was so I earned a token.It kind of looked like fake puke.


The rest of the students took their turn and all had different things, Syraiah Lee had mustard,Kordell had tea bags,when he squeezed the tea bags water and tea came out,Amon had chia seeds {He didn’t figure out what it was!}Lopiseni had nutella {He figured it out straight away!}Ariki had honey it was easy for him to figure it out.


It was really fun I hope we play it again.


Then I used this rubric to help me self-check and edit my work.



Did I remember to include….
Title
Introduction
Who, what, when, where, why, who, how
3 paragraphs - burger model
Conclusion - my own thinking/reflection
Specific adjectives
Simile/Metaphor
Different punctuation
Short sentence for effect
Correct spelling throughout the story
A sentence you have added in editing
A sentence you have moved in editing
Sentence starters given

Now here is my edited story.


This morning we did a fun game called the magic box we had to use our senses.
This morning Miss Ashley brang in her magic box,each one of us got blindfolded.While one person was blindfolded Miss Ashley would put a type of food or an object into the box.If we figured out what Miss Ashley put inside the magic box we would get a token.

When Miss Ashley put the blindfold on, it felt like no one was there.  When I was blindfolded Miss Ashley guided my hand into the magic box. As I stood waiting, my heart was beating fast.
I put my hand nervously into the box, and I felt something disgusting and squishy.
It felt kind of disgusting and  bit squishy and yucky I knew it was weetbix because I tasted it I whispered is it weetbix and it was so I earned a token.Yay.The weetbix looked as if it was fake puke.The class giggled when I said the weetbix looks like puke.

The rest of the students took their turn and all had different things, Syraiah Lee had mustard,Kordell had tea bags when he squeezed the tea bags water and tea came out,Amon had chia seeds {He didn’t figure out what it was!}Ariki had honey it was easy for him to figure it out.
Lopiseni had nutella {He figured it out straight away!}

It was really fun I hope we play it again.


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